why do people run when they can say hi..?

have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself asking the question above..? i have.. and i am pretty sure there are a number of people who would ask that question when they think of me.. not a really good thing to realize or to be in...

ok.. here's my opinion on the topic.. people run when they are shy or they have done something wrong.. or.. they are simply irritated, feel a gush of uneasiness, by the presence of a subject that is not wanted. as for me.. i feel shy around new people.. so i tend to run away.. and of course.. the presence of those who are really, really annoying makes me do what i do.. run.

in addition to those stated above, i run away also as a result of a subject who does not want me to be anywhere near him/her. i respect, i follow. period.

wokay.. now, under some "influences", i've learned to say hi, even when i feel like my face is covered with 20centimetre-thick of foundation (i've never used any foundation, figurative speech ok), i'd go and say hi. even when i've done so many wrongs towards that person, i'd go over and say hi (for this particular case, make sure you have apologized, jangan suka-suka hati buat bodoh, nanti orang ingat talam dua muka. but then again, do the thinking yourself. improvise. my case would be too long to explain it here).

it's really not that hard once you do it regularly. if you're too shy to say hi, carve a smile. too shy to smile??? go see a shrink. i have contacts. let me know.

otak sudah kering. mata sudah melekit-lekit. that's all folks.
thanks for your time.

p/s: aku sebenarnya boring. that's why semua ni keluar.. hahah.. peace out

adakah hidup ini nyata...?

pagi ini amat sejuk... aku bangun dalam keadaan telanjang bulat.. rambut kusut masai.. pundi kecing aku penuh dengan najis mutawassitah yang lazimnya berwarna kuning pekat di waktu pagi.. aku lantas bangun melangkah ke bilik air, melepasi selonggok baju tak basuh berhari-hari.. juga sekotak Domino's yang isinya telah habis ku lahap entah bila..

"ape aku dah buat semalam aa??.."

soalan itu bermain-main di otak beku aku yang dah beberapa bulan aku tak pakai.. sambil-sambil aku memerah otak memikirkan apa yang telah aku lalui malam semalam, dan jugak sambil menggaru-garu ketiak, pundi kencing ku melaraskan tekanan yang sepatutnya maka terpancutlah keluar cecair kuning yang hancing, hamis lagi jijik...

selesai beristinjak, aku melangkah keluar dari bilik air dan duduk di atas katil bujangku yang tak seberapa... sambung memimikirkan persoalan yang masih bermain di minda ku yang kurang ilmu ini....

"Ya Allah...!"

baru aku teringat... malam semalam... selepas solat Maghrib.. aku keluar bersama-sama rakanku... kami lepak kat mamak.. mereka ajak aku main counter-strike.. cyber cafe tu pulak terletaknya hanya bersebelahan dengan kedai mamak tu.. aku menolak dengan penuh tatatertib... tetapi... mereka tidak mahu menerima alasan-alasan ku yang mana aku fikirkan sudah cukup munasabah...

"taknak aa weyh... keta aku takde minyak aa..."
"taknak aa... bulu ketiak aku tak shave lagi.."
"aku cakap taknak, taknak la.."

namun, mereka tetap tidak berputus asa... mereka cucuk-cucuk aku dengan penyedut minuman yang ada.. hempuk aku dengan kerusi.. buat tombstone piledriver kat aku... sapu kuah kari kat mata aku.. sumbat mulut aku dengan kain yang mamak-mamak ni buat lap meja.. darah pekat mengalir keluar dari telinga, mulut dan dot dot dot... aku terpaksa....... terpaksa mengalah.. aku ikut jualah mereka ke cyber cafe bersebelahan.. nak di panjangkan cerita yang lame ni.. dalam perjalanan ke cyber cafe itu, aku terlanggar seorang ane kedai mamak itu..

"butoh pak hang!" kata ane tersebut..

lalu dia bertukar menjadi satria baja hitam dan ajak aku bergaduh.. aku kaget!.... tapi dalam kekagetan itu aku masih marah pada ane tersebut... ye la.. die kate "butoh pak hang"... kurang ajar tu.....

aku nekad... lalu aku pun bertukar....... menjadi insan yang lebih baik..... aku menegurnya dengan penuh sopan.. dengan harapan dia tidak tersinggung dengan kata-kata aku..

"ane... jangan la cakap lagu tu.. tak baik ne... saya terlanggaq.. bukan sengaja ne.. mintak maap no...?"

"apa maaf-maaf? u mau mintak kalu.. mintak roti sama saya.. maaf tadak juai kat sini.."

"lah.. aku mintak maaf tu pun cukop baik dah.. nak haram btoi... NAHHH!!! ambik ni!!"

aku melepaskan sebijik penumbuk sulung aku...

"adoi laa!!!" ane tu mengerang kesakitan..

"butoh pak hang!!" aku berteriak sambil melepaskan satu tendangan roundhouse pulak..

tanpa dijangka... satria baja hitam yang menjadi sanjungan aku masa kecik-kecik dulu ditumpaskan dengan begitu mudah.. dia langsung tidak sempat mengeluarkan jurus famousnya, Tendangan Padu Maut, ataupun memanggil motosikal belalangnya.. sayang sekali... teringin jugak aku melihat motosikal itu secara live...

setelah tamat pertempuran itu.. rakan-rakan ku mengucapkan tahniah kepadaku kerana berjaya menumpaskan one of our childhood heroes tanpa melelehkan walau setitik peluh berdaki..

"waaa... kerel.. terror aa ko...!"
"waa... kerel... aku kagum dengan ko weyhh!!"

tiba-tiba.......

"Autobots... transform!!! qo qe qo qo qo qo qet!!"

di situ.. aku terkencing setitik pabila ku toleh ke belakang dan mendapati geng-geng ane tadi.. semua telah bertukar menjadi transformers.... Optimus Prime... Jazz... Bumble Bee.. semua ada... Sarip Dol pun ada... tapi.... Optimus Prime ni nampak lain la.... dia pakai topi yang selalu dipakai oleh ane-ane yang keje kat kedai mamak..

"alamak! kerel!! cane nih?!?" rakan-rakanku berteriak.. kaget... dan aku pasti masing-masing dah terkencing setitik jugak...

"aku tatau dowh... jom kite buat-buat pengsan... kot kot diorang ingat kite mati ke.. tade aa diorang attack kite..." aku berbisik kepada rakan-rakanku... berharap mereka menerima idea aku yang amat bodoh itu..

"dub! dub! dub! GEDEBUB!" tiga rakan-rakanku yang kurus telah jatuh, berpura-pura pengsan diikuti oleh seorang kawanku yang sebesar chewbacca size-nya.. Bumi Allah ini bergoncang lantaran kesan daripada rakanku yang berbadan besar itu jatuh... aku terasa pening.. dunia terasa berpusing... aku rebah... dan dalam perjalanan ku menyembah bumi dan sebelum mata ku terkatup rapat, aku sempat terkilas pandang Autobots-Autobots serta Sarip Dol seperti hilang arah, hilang arah tujuan... dan..

gelap.... sunyi.. hitam.. pekat.. melekat.... aku terbangun dari katilku pagi ini... mengharapkan semua yang aku ceritakan tadi hanyalah mainan tidur semata-mata...

......................................................

aku sedang duduk di hujung katilku.. memikirkan... seolah-olah perkara yang berlaku semalam benar-benar terjadi.. adakah itu hanya Syaitan laknatullah yang mempermainkan aku.. atau itu kehendak-Nya untuk menunjukkan aku sesuatu... menerangkan yang gelap.. menyuluh yang tidak kelihatan.. apakah ia benar-benar berlaku..?

"kriiinng... kringgg...."

telefon nokia murahku berdering.. oleh kerana aku tidak mampu membeli telefon yang canggih-canggih sepertimana orang lain... aku tidak bisa menetapkan nada dering ku kepada lagu-lagu yang aku minat.. cukuplah sekadar bunyi "nostalgia"...

"helo.. assalamualaikum.." aku menjawab...
"helo.. waalaikumsalam... wey bro... ape kite buat smalam aa??"..
".................."
"helo?? bro? wey? dengar tak?"

pagi ini amat sejuk....

midnight crap talk..

everything happens for a reason. it is how you accept it; good or bad, one way or another. to accept something bad that happenned before you, first you have to realize how bad is the situation. how does it affect you in any way? is your mind occupied only to that problem? what is the solution? or is there any solution to it? is it affecting other people around you? if something good happened to you.. are you happy about it? how about people around you? how do you take it? what can you do to invite more of that good occurence?

well i'm not here to guide you through all that.. just that i wonder... in my case of study.. (ceh..~) that is love, breaking up, betrayal, and ignorance.. why is it so hard to forget? why is it so hard to forgive? why humans are capable of something so terrible like betrayal? and why human brains are capable of producing something so... amazing yet destructive such as love, or a nuclear bomb? here is my thought about it..

to forget... you must first forgive. to forgive.. hmm.. now that's the real challenge. personally.. i think by holding grudge towards other people isn't gonna bring you any good. you waste your brain cells efficiency. instead of keeping that hatred, that i-wanna-kill-you-you-mofo feeling, use your brain cells for something better. like..... something that is.. good.. (huhu) ok la.. even IF you managed to get your revenge.. acid on his/her face, trouble at his workplace till he can't get a job anywhere else, family goes against him/her... will you be really satisfied? will you be able to laugh at him until the day you die? i don't think so. you are still human. a Homo sapien. one day you WILL regret what you have done. and that time, there is no turning back.

human brain fascinates me.. it's capable of the most noble thing a creature can possibly think of, down to the worst. so the likeliness for you to do good or evil depends on your own judgement of the situation. think before you do anything. look before you leap. sniff before you eat. touch before you hold. believe me, you'd feel good whatever the outcome is. because that is what you choose. now.. what i really wanted to talk about is why human brains are capable of generating something so beautiful yet poisonous such as love? it's simple... i think God grants us, humans, that ability to love.. to create something horrible like the nuclear bomb, is simply as a mean to differentiate one human being to another. i'm not sayin that's the only reason. maybe it's one of the many reasons. some people are able to love and to be loyal. some are only able to love but not loyal. some are able to be loyal, but not be able to love. some people are incapable to love.... hell.. that, in my opinion, is bad enough if not pathetic. hmm.. what i'm tryin to say here is actually 'to be or not to be'. if you want something to happen, u can make it happen. and only you can make it happen (by God's will that is). God's fair.

i think i talk more crap than content. so i guess i'll stop here for now. i blog once in a blue moon when i have free time(baru mula je kot) and normally during that free time i'm always a bit lost. hehe.. so.. bear with me.

good day people...
;)

a new hope...

i came. i saw. i fell...
then i tried. i failed. i tried. i failed. i tried. i failed. i stopped.
i wanted to try. i ran away. i don't know why i ran.
i knew. i crashed. i was crushed into tiny little pieces.
i mend the broken pieces. i played around.
i met again. i fell yet again. and again i tried.......
for the fourth time.. i crashed... again.
now... a new hope?

anybody who understands the text above, you're quick. anybody who doesn't, you're not slow. maybe there are some words missing in that text. =)

what i feel now is what actually drives me to write/start a blog. it's something that drove me through all kinds of shits. the feeling is not, in any way, a burden, it's what kept me going all these years... hoping that someday my time will come to get a taste of what i have longed for. honestly, to know what it feels like to be with someone that is so dear to you is like a gift from above. i thought i would have missed it. by God's will, i was able get a taste of it, for a little while. "that was more than enough"... i think.. well.. i thought it was enough. but being a normal Homo sapien, obviously it wasn't enough. but being a grateful one(i hope i am one), it is more than enough.

you have crushed me. but you were also the one who fixed me.
you brought me up to the sky. but you were also the one who let me go and watch me fall.
thank you for the journey.
i have learnt so much from you. =)

so readers...
why did we fall?
so we can get up and try again...

what if we fall again?
we get up and f*ckin try again!

what if we keep falling?
we just have to get up, find a way around, and f*ckin try again!

what if we kept on trying, but once we reached the top, what we are lookin for is not there?
then, find another objective, set your mind to it and start over.

it's about whether you want it or not....
if you don't want it, then make sure that you don't want it.
if you want it, then work like you want it.
be optimistic, not a sadist or a pessimist.
find hope, hope won't go and find you. at least that is what i believe. huhu

cheers